“Wow you finally got ready took you a year” Davlyn said “come on let's go then” Railey said “vroom” off they went in there big truck. “Ok we are here” said Davlyn “ok let’s go” said Railey “our flight is at 6:00 and the time is 5:40 so let’s go now.” said Davlyn “ok we are on the plane” said Railey.
“Why is the lane shaking?“ Davlyn asked while looking out the window “look at that” said Davlyn “what is that?” railey asked “IT IS A HOLE IN THE WING!!” Davlyn yelled “we need to tell the pilot” Railey said. ‘Knock knock’ the door went when the boys knocked on the door “yes what do you want” said the pilot “the wing has a hole in it” Railey said “no there is not” said the pilot said while closing the door. “Look Railey, some parachutes, let's grab them” said Davlyn “ok” Railey replied.”
“Uuuggghhh we're all gonna die” yelled another passenger, there were screams everywhere in the plane. “Look Railey there is an island” said Davlyn “we are going to crash” said Railey “we need to jump before we crash then we deploy our pursuit” said Davlyn “ok” Railey replied. “We are going down,” said the pilots. “3,2,1 JUMP” said both of the boys, to be continued...
this story has a good dialogue.
ReplyDeleteAnd good effort
good dialogue and great job on putting punctuation in the right place:)
ReplyDeleteThis story has Amazing Dialogues and Great details
ReplyDeletethis story is amazing and nice dialogue. keep it up
ReplyDeleteGreat ideas Davlyn - your problem and solution make sense.
ReplyDeleteNext time you write a conversation, where two people are taking turns talking, write it like this.
“Wow you finally got ready took you a year” Davlyn said.
“come on let's go then” Railey said. “vroom” off they went in there big truck.
“Ok we are here” said Davlyn
“ok let’s go” said Railey
“our flight is at 6:00 and the time is 5:40 so let’s go now.”
“ok we are on the plane”
See how you can follow who is saying what because there are only two people? You also don't need the said railey said Davlyn every single time because the reader can keep track of who is speaking.
Great story :)
his story is amazing Davlyn, I like how you put so much effort into your work and how you put your detail and dialogues in the right place.
ReplyDelete